MS Symptoms: Severe, Subtle, Annoying, Expensive. They Come in all Shapes and Sizes.

This may be too information fro some. I know. But the whole idea of this is that if anyone, newly diagnosed or soon-to-be, they can Google "MS Blog" and see different experiences of the disease. The more the better - good and bad. When I was first starting to go through my 2nd bout of MRIs I starting Googling and I came across such a mixture of personal stories. The negative ones scared me - but took me into the world I was soon to visit. The positive ones reminded me no matter what it was my decision how I reacted.

My decision has led me to openly discuss the anxiety and panic of the first flare up and learning how to take my medicine - but shows the transition back into myself: Loud, abrasive, blunt, yet funny and friendly. Without having a second major flare up I feel both lucky and as if I've dropped my guard - that one summer night this year I will fall asleep to heavy legs and wake up unable to walk. As I should. It will happen again. But for not - that is not the case. For now I have small, minor, annoying symptoms: my 3 stupid left fingers come and go with numbness... I have been constantly tired for 3 days now (though it has enabled me to watch almost a full season of The X Files - so it's not all bad)... and I think my bladder control may be weak. I'm not in the Depends aisle - but last week Friday I counted that I had gone to the bathroom 7 times before lunch with only one cup of coffee. This isn't new - but it's becoming more persistent and a pain in my side.

Of course 3 weeks ago I saw my doctors - both my physician and my neurologist. My physician said, "Don't forget to tell your neurologist about that," and I said, "Ok!" What did I do? Forgot. Not entirely my fault - he likes to be direct and fast and talks over me even when he asks me questions. Don't get me wrong - I feel very confident in his hands... but I can't say that I don't feel rushed. So I forgot to tell him that I have to "tinkle" a tiny bit every 20 minutes most of the time. I even know there's a medicine for it... so I should have called him back at least when I'd finally remembered. But here I am considering the options: Calling back, asked to come back in - spend another $25 on a co-pay - for another prescription - another co-pay - for something should end on it's own within a reasonable amount of time - hopefully.

I should spend the next day or so researching this and really call back - or at least utilize some home remedies... but let me tell you this there are many reasons to love my job and work 14 feet from the bathroom is right up near the top!

Shots.

So here it is... if you do your shot on an angle or are lucky enough hit one of the tiny little veins that run in your thigh... it will hurt. and it will bleed. quite a bit.

Also if you give yourself a shot hungover you will most likely do your shot on angle and it will hurt. and it will bleed. quite a bit.

:)

Follow - Ups are for the birds

So without sounding too pessimistic (ha!)... follow ups for MS are ridiculous. Unless you are currently having a flare up (thankfully I am not) your doctor will ask your current symptoms - and if nothing is going on he will say "Well there's no need for more MRIs now, I'll see you again in 6 months" - and that'll cost you $78 (with insurance).

Ok - so optimistically - I have no major symptoms and there is only need for MRIs when things are a-changing. I am in a good place not physically and mentally. But still... I can keep a log of my symptoms for $3.99 (cost of log) and call you when something gets crazy.

19 days 'til the walk and Post-Walk party! Score!

April 2nd - One Day Away from 8 months diagnosed.

And exactly one month until the MS Walk in Milwauke, join or donate today! I currently have 22 friends/family walking with me - and that support is amazing. Taking a Sunday to walk around the lake with me - ridiculous. I have raised over $450 and the team itself has raised over $600! I feel loved. I hope in some way I can show each person how significant their efforts are to me. Thank you.

Wednesday night I took my shot a bit early so I could go pick up the dogs (dogsitting for the weekend). I decided to take the shot a bit higher than normal (normal = where the nurse said, despite what the directions said) and mush to my surprise I didn't feel a g*damn thing. This is exactly how it went around the first time, with the nurse - but it's never been that way since. Not that it's excruciatingly painful - but sometmes it is pretty uncomfortable. This week was a piece of cake! 7 months into Avonex and I'm doing great.

I do have the consistent 2 numb tips of fingers on my left hand - mainly in the morning. But it doesn't even affect my typing. Though the flu-like effects of Avonex still come - and typically dwindle off but stick around for about 16 hours... I have been at 98% performance. A bit tired - but that could just be my typical self.

New Flare Up? How can you tell?

• First things first: I was supposed to go to the doctor at the beginning of the year. It's now March 11th.
• Second things second: My left leg aches, I woke up in the middle of the night the other day in a weird stage of feeling numb all over but not. Impossible to describe.
• Third things, th- well you get the idea: I think I am stressing myself into a small relapse.

Ok, I am planning to make doctor appts for April. I may that today in fact. I just really don't have the time nor patience for taking off work and going to doctors, probably will have to schedule a new MRI... and that's an easy $500 right there.

FM'MS'L.

;)

Question to ask doctor - do not forget!

What is it that I am hitting when I take my shoot that makes my muscle twitch? A tendon? Nerves? Is it ok to do?

Last night's shot was taken a bit later than usual so I followed it up with two Tylenol PM so I didn't wake up earlier than I had to. As I shoved the lil guy in, the muscle tremored inside my leg and it almost made me loosen my grip on the syringe. This has happened once before. Very odd sensation for sure!

Growing Pains

Ok, what's the deal? Not sure if it's MS related or what - but I've been in a bit of pain lately. Sharp pains in my neck here and there, my left knee cap is all tight again - it almost feels like... the cold part of Bengay mixed with the dullest discomfort. Shoulders are tight - but that's normal for me. There was sometime when my tight thigh, in the middle was throbbing... but that went away quickly. Then the weird sight things... every once in awhile, so a split second I feel dizzy and have to blink a few times just to re-adjust. But I don't know hat that means. I just might be tired... oh yes, tired! I'm tired ALL THE TIME. I feel like you just talk yourself into fitting symptoms and I'm hoping that's what I'm doing.

Mind over matter!

I do have to go to my Neurologist soon - I should have went in January but I think that means another MRI and that's a $500 deductible and I just finished paying off last years MRIs and Chiropractor visits (when I thought... I mean hoped it wasn't MS - that was a waste, huh?). It's all follow up and I do need my liver tested... I guess the story goes that my meds, Avonex, can affect my liver - as can the aspirin I take to cover the side effects, AS can the drinks I have to accompany the aspirin that I use to cover my meds side effects. Woo whee. If I even have a liver I'll be excited! I'll call my doctor soon... after taxes perhaps? That's a whole other story... sigh*

6 Months Today!

So today with a glass of wine and my shot... of course, its Wednesday! I "celebrate" my 6 month anniversary with the official diagnoses of MS. But always with life you take the good and the bad and figure out the way to make the good outweigh the rest, even it its with a little fudging of the numbers.

Where am I? I have had slight symptoms return... every once in awhile I have a tingle here or there but no "flare ups" as they call them. Besides the physical, I think I may be feeling more of the fatigue than anything else and it's kind of hard to keep on task, but that's not all that bad.

Lately I'm almost feeling guilty for spreading the news and participating and advertising the local MS walk in my area in May. It is something directly affecting me, but that's not to say there aren't a million things more important to worry about for the world or anyone else personally. I think of a ton of them everyday. Each of those days the world is disappointing, scary, sad... so I look at it like this: there are still hundreds of thousands of people (officially diagnosed) with MS. So even if my small contribution to caring is somewhat selfish - its still a contribution nonetheless.

In my head I feel 100% fine and my biggest fear is returning to where I was during my most disabled moments. Fearing that I couldn't cross the street faster than the car coming towards me - despite the fact its a block away, unable to stand during a concert - wavering against the chair I should have just sat in and left the tears for something more deserving, unable to feel my leg or my chest - like Novocaine shot directly into my nervous system... I've always hated the dentist. I've got it better than many and I treasure every day, wherever the gift has come from.

One thing that has helped is the supportive words from close and distant friends. Sharing my situation seems to be another selfish act, but kind words go a long way. For anyone that has taken a moment out to give me your thoughts - thank you. Your words do not come without returned emotions. And anytime you need me, I am there.

With all of life's trials and tribulations you take them as they come and since I am fine at the moment these worries are left for the birds! Take that! My worries are left for bills and busy days... headaches and commitments... life is life. I am living it... and with the inspiring words I've read today from a friend... "If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it," I bid you adieu.

m*

2010: new year, new decade, new ink!

2010, 7 days in and you aren't the worst thing to happen to me!

Last night I took my shot at 10pm with 3 Tylenol. Went to bed, woke up feeling just great! Which was a 180 to last week in which I took it at 2pm - planned some day drinking/socializing with a friend over my furlough - and no aspirin - I was going to be drinking - and I ended up feeling every little bit of the Avonex aftermath!

I also took my shot after getting my brand new baby. And I shared the experience with my best male friend, Joel. He's a huge Dave Matthews fan, and Two Step is one of my favorite songs of all time. Considering my new outlook on life - it's short and I'll be dead one day, it seemed most appropriate. And yes, I have a best friend of each sex and they are the most incredible people in my life.

...Celebrate we will life is short but sweet for certain...

Two Step, DMB

Say, my love, I came to you with best intentions
You laid down and gave to me just what I'm seeking

Love, you drive me to distraction

Hey my love do you believe that we might last a thousand years

Or more if not for this,

Our flesh and blood

It ties you and me right up

Tie me down

Celebrate we will

Because life is short but sweet for certain

We're climbing two by two

To be sure these days continue

These things we cannot change

Hey, my love, you came to me like wine comes to this mouth

Grown tired of water all the time

You quench my heart and you quench my mind

Celebrate we will

Because life is short but

Sweet for certain

We're climbing two by two

To be sure these days continue

The things we cannot

Celebrate, you and me, climbing two by two, to be sure

These days continue, things we cannot change

Oh, my love I came to you

With best intentions

You laid down and gave to me

Just what I'm seeking

Celebrate we will

Because life is short

But sweet for certain

We're climbing two by two

To be sure these days continue

Things we cannot change...

Things we cannot change

twenty10.

Ah, 2010. Hello you mysterious year, you. What do you have in store for me? Only time will tell.

Oddly enough, I could be typing this at 3:12pm on this Sunday afternoon and I could be dead by tomorrow morning. But with all "optimism" aside - I could make it and things could be worse!

Or better. Resolutions. Have you made one? or Three? I have had a few ideas on my mind for the past few months and am hoping that the new year will remind me of these and that I will try to consciously to myself right.

The only one that I can guarantee I will hold on to the longest is that fact that I will not let my new disease let me down. In the past 3 weeks I have mentally beaten my medicine - though it still physically kicks my ass once a week. I have been feeling slightly weak in the thighs... I haven't tossed a single pair of heels, or lost one ounce of confidence to embarrassment. And I refuse to because laughing if off will make me feel way better.

There are other things that may beat me or that I will not be able to change... my diet, my finances, my love life... but those are lifelong battles themselves for everyone. And even in the depths of lows I'll still appreciate them as part of my life, that I'm living. I hope I'm here tomorrow to keep talking about it.