Rambles: It's been since before Halloween that I decided to post. It's been because my MS has been sitting on the back burner. Not that I don't think of it everyday, it's hard not to. I'm always tired, words always come out wrong, it's still there and active - but it's now become part of my day-to-day. Nothing too intense that I can get up and go. I now have a new 'norm'.
2011 has begun with the excitement that my FSA account was replenished so I can go get the MRIs I was supposed to get in August to explain the frequent irination and common speaking goof-ups. I always want to restate how I am thankful and feel lucky to only have MS and to only be going through this - not something really scary but this is my world and this is all I have and its very different than before August 2009.
Today's complaint: Side effects. I take medication for my medication. I pee every 20 minutes, so I take a pill, Oxybutynin, that has yet to kick in again because I stopped taking it because: My nose is so dry is bloody and crusty all day, my hands feel like a chalk board, if I closed my eyes right now I could fall asleep - though I do always feel like I've got a slight buzz, and though I'm still peeing every 20 minutes... I'm not... well, you know, that other thing. So today I took a medication to deal with that. And now I'm having stomach cramps yet no action. I've decided MS isn't scary, its Annoying and Embarrassing. I've been to the bathroom about 10 times today and it's 2:25pm, 2.5 hours to go. It could be worse.
But today I don't want to think about the 5th glass of water I'm drinking that is not quenching my thirst, but is causing me to go to the bathroom even more than I already am, nor do I want to think about the tingling in my sides or the shot tomorrow night... today I want to focus on the overall motivation of my life and think that I am fully capable of getting up and getting on with everything but I'm now. I still have an internal lack of inspiration and that is worse than the MS. I would rather see a psychologist to find the root of my sloth instead of a neurologist to understand the numbing oy my fingertips. *pee break* That is all science, that is my brain f**king up in a whole new way. What in the world has instilled in me this notion of Lazy? I want it gone. I want a shot to take that doesn't cure me, but gets my ass out and about. Where is that disease modifying drug?
I need motivation to research motivation: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motivation