My neurologist wants to see me twice a year - which I suppose isn't the worst, but now it's like the dentist. And at $25 a visit I get talked to, I mean talked over, for only 10 minutes. I feel like unless half my body if numb - why bother? This last visit - yesterday - I got orders for another MRI... boo, that is $500 (deductible)! Grr.
Ok - beyond the financials of it all... I've hit a rut. I want to openly discuss my MS and its problems and I wish to have it all positive because that's important. The internet is filled with negative and scary words on MS... and it's not always that way. Yet we must still stay realistic. I have been slapped with "real" the past few weeks. My mantra at the end of the night is "I am not in pain. I am not dying". Now please don't get me wrong, I am fully aware that most people in the world are worse off than me. Homeless, living in poverty, starving, living in war-torn lands, the list goes on and on. I am so thankful for the things I do have. But for my moment of shameless whining: the problems I'm having affect very mundane daily activities and until these were affected I didn't realize how for granted I took the simple things... doing more than 5 basic lunges in an exercise class, going to the bathroom a normal amount of times in a day with no effort, medication side effects (chills, aches, dry mouth, drowsiness, etc...). For all this I am sad. I am pissed. I am annoyed. I am utilizing my right to bitch and complain because my body is attacking itself because it is obviously fucking retarded. We all get this right - use it!
My tip to you: Stop and smell the roses, because one day you might not be able to be far from a bathroom long enough to do so. Take Yoga, because you may not be able to use you legs one day. And take advantage of Xanax prescriptions, just tell 'em you're "feeling anxious". :)
