Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Running is probably not in the Books for Me

Sad but true.

Last night I told myself: "I'm getting up early and exercising!" This morning at 6am I forced myself up. I do have a roommate, so the living room yoga/cardio videos won't really do. I had to get myself outside!  Interesting... I've never done this before in 29 years.

I tossed on my exercise clothes; surprisingly I have a whole drawer full of em, and went out to the porch. It was a beautiful morning. It rained last night so everything was damp, including the air. It was warm - but a chill was lingering. My goal was to walk, that was it. I had no destination or speed. I hoped to run a block or two in the middle... but I know that you can't go from never exercising to running 3 miles.Not only would I only last about 1 block - I could strain muscles and actually hurt myself.
I still wanted to give the running a shot. I walked at a fast pace for about 5 minutes and thought I'd try a block, a quiet block off the beaten path - just in case I didn't make it far no one would see. And I didn't. I started off with a gentle bounce, pushing myself to go a bit quicker as I could. I couldn't. I feel no numbness, tingling or weakness in my legs typically... but running brought back all the memories of my flare up last August and how goofy I felt just walking. It's a hard to describe because I could run... but I felt weak, as if the next step my back leg would just collapse - though it never did. Also, both front thighs went numb. The straining felt so uncomfortable and the image of what I expected me to look like... made me stop. Why couldn't I just appreciate my goofiness... like Phoebe? Well... because I might fall? Ha.
I instantly hit a mental wall - but I kept walking. My thoughts were not optimistic... "Why even walk then?" "Will I ever build enough muscle to get over this?" "Will I ever be able to run at full speed?" This relates to an experience from last week when I tried to ride my brand new bike to work. TO work, it's a great 12 minute downhill, lakeside jaunt. FROM work... well, the hill isn't exactly Mt. Kilimanjaro - but I could not get up it. Between not being in shape and having this fun little thing called MS... I struggled and sweat - at times my legs just wouldn't even push. I would stop mid hill, in the street and just sit.
So - onto my research: If one area of your body is affected by your flare-ups, does that tend to be reoccurring? Is that a good thing or does it show progression of the disease? Will muscle strengthening help? Or will I, no matter how strong I am, be afflicted by weak legs? Onto to the NMSS site to find out!

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